I always wanted a purpose. I wanted to find my place in life. Had I known just what it would entail, I probably would have tried to enjoy my purposeless life a little more.
I hate this place. I hate what it makes us do. I don't want to be in charge of these people, because I don't believe we will survive this, and it will be my fault.
If it weren't for Zana...
If it weren't for Zana, I'd probably still be miserable.
I've done a fair bit of travelling in my life, as smugglers tend to. I'd seen some strange sights. Met some very homely, unsympathetic, and downright frightening individuals, usually 'round the pub. I thought I was as brave as they come.
What I saw today shook me to my core. It emerged from nothing, like mist rising from the water's edge, accompanied by dozens of shapeless... things. I felt my heart freeze. Goosebumps, everywhere, and I really mean everywhere. Its arms were tangled and many, its mouth an endless black abyss. It was the monster we were pursuing
I have never been more scared. Just being in its presence, I could feel my life being ripped away, dissolving like sugar in water.
I understand now just how great the stakes are. I wanted a purpose... well, now I have one.
We have cornered our foe in the heart of the Atlas. My heart aches for Zana. Her father is caught in the centre of this whole debacle, and I don't see any way he leaves this alive.
Drox has been unusually silent all day. Al-Hezmin has been checking and rechecking his supplies. Baran and Veritania haven't even argued. We all realise these may be our last moments of life.
To have spent so long pursuing wealth and notoriety... Gods, if only I could wind back the clock. Without meaning, without purpose beyond my own selfishness... So much time wasted.
If I survive after tomorrow, I'm going to tell her how I feel.
I remember seeing a light swallowed in an orb of darkness. Suspended. I remember its hands reaching out for something to hold. Desperation. I remember stepping forward. I wasn't thinking of myself, or of Oriath. I was thinking of my friends, and of my brothers and sisters whose lives depended on me. I remember its cold grip tightening, then I slipped away.
I remember... glass. Encased in glass. I couldn't move. Couldn't speak. But I could see everything. I saw everything. I saw everyone. Saw them leave. Saw her leave. It was all so quick. A thousand days and nights passed in a flash. Then...
Nothing. I felt nothing. No sadness or anger. No joy. No pain. No pleasure. I was free. Free to move, to go where I please. Free of desire. Free to see the universe for what it was.