Hm? Ah! Right, Ahem. Vinderi. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance. Err, pleased to make you. Hello.
Name's Vinderi. Did I mention that already? No one alive knows as much about the explosive arts as me. If you want something or someone, or several someones, turned into an unrecognisable, smouldering mess, I'm more than happy to oblige.
I was walking around the catacombs beneath the square, trying to find my way to the sewers under the courts. Had a huge sack of the blue stuff on my back. Leaving a little trail as I go so I can find my way out. Little azurite fuse trail winding its way back to the storehouse. Cost me an arm and a leg, that powder. Anyway, I'm right under where I thought the High Templar's office was. Start piling the powder up right under his fat arse. Planning to blow him back to Innocence.
Well, I start hearing a hissing noise. And I start seeing the blue light down the end of the tunnel turning an angry red. It's moving towards me quick. And I'm thinking, this is it. This is where it ends for me, but at least I'll blow that high pain in the arse skyward. Then it stops. No hissing. No light. Just a silhouette. Tall as a man ever was. Taller than Tibbs. Don't know how he even got through the storehouse hole. This man... this glorious man!
Put it down! He shouts. It's not worth the trouble. Come. It's time to go! So I put the bag down, and I start walking over to him. Running even. This man saved my life. I swear to myself I'll follow this Eternal Ideal of a man, this statue, this perfect specimen, as far as he will have me. And as I get close, my eyes adjust. This beautiful man comes into focus. His hand is extended to meet me. I reach out mine. There's an electricity between us. And as my fingers lock into his, he slaps a manacle around my wrist. I'm under arrest for attempted deicide and possession of a dangerous substance. Got me exiled, the pig. Once I got here I just started working for the boss.
You've got a contract you want me to take a look at? Alright, why not.
Mmhm. Mmm. Yes. Well, everything seems to be in order.
...Oh! This was mine! Well, the designs have changed a bit, but the fundamentals are the same. It's a grocery list, except instead of the markets, we're going to an alchemy storehouse I'm not supposed to know exists. And instead of groceries, we're going to collect a number of powders, ichors and minerals I'm running low on. And instead of paying for them, we are going to steal them. So in that sense, it is very unlike a grocery list. Straightforward enough. Ready to go?
...Thirty three cubits of cerulean alloy thread, half an ounce of vitriolic talc, two quarts of bishop-blessed cleansing alcohol -- that's for me -- and enough barrel hoops to sink a bloated bonechewer. Perfect.
...Wait. Hold on. Hold on one dang minute. Where the--... Where is the fumarole tar? Don't tell me I forgot the fumarole tar! Without the tar I might as well be baking a tray of Keth flatbread.
Oh dear. I didn't even have it on the list. Sorry, Exile, the error is mine. You've earned your markers. Hopefully I'll have enough left to take out another contract.
Hmm? Oh! At last! The Fumarole Tar job! Gods, I've been chomping at the bit for this contract.
I've drawn up plans for a bomb that, well, let's just say it'll put The Ring on the map. Or take it off the map. It might take quite a large area off the map, actually.
I tend to deal with controlled explosions, but who doesn't love an uncontrolled explosion? Whoever's nearby, that's who! But other than them, they're great! And this is going to be really, really great.
There's only one place I know of that houses enough Fumarole Tar for the job, and it has all sorts of other experimental goodies that I'd like to get my hands on, too.
Exile, this thing is really going to set your world on fire. I feel like a child again!
I've finished it, Exile. It's all done! The Vinderi Bomb is complete at last! I've named it after myself. It's my legacy. Or, the ruins it will leave in its wake will be my legacy. I wonder if it works... Shall we try it out?
Bwaaahahaha! Had you going there for a bit, didn't I? I may be old, but I've still got a little pop left in my powderkeg. Did you really think I was about to blow us all to Innocence? Give this old man a little credit!
I just wanted to give the good folk here a little show. I call these beauties "Explodey-make-good-lookers". Catchy, eh? Reckon there might be a business in it!
Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Consider it a show of gratitude.
Niko... ah! Of course! The miner boy. That's miner, not, er, minor. I do believe he was of age when last I saw him. Strange lad. Always felt like he was talking at me, not to me, if you follow. Had an awful lot of yellow powder for sale. Wonder what ever happened to him? Lost track of many in that line of work. A shame, but not a surprise.