Audio index » Sirus, Awakener of Worlds Sirus's Journal
I always wanted a purpose. I wanted to find my place in life. Had I known just what it would entail, I probably would have tried to enjoy my purposeless life a little more.
I hate this place. I hate what it makes us do. I don't want to be in charge of these people, because I don't believe we will survive this, and it will be my fault. If it weren't for Zana... If it weren't for Zana, I'd probably still be miserable. I'll do it for her.
I've done a fair bit of travelling in my life, as smugglers tend to. I'd seen some strange sights. Met some very homely, unsympathetic, and downright frightening individuals, usually 'round the pub. I thought I was as brave as they come.
What I saw today shook me to my core. It emerged from nothing, like mist rising from the water's edge, accompanied by dozens of shapeless... things. I felt my heart freeze. Goosebumps, everywhere, and I really mean everywhere. Its arms were tangled and many, its mouth an endless black abyss. It was the monster we were pursuing I have never been more scared. Just being in its presence, I could feel my life being ripped away, dissolving like sugar in water. I understand now just how great the stakes are. I wanted a purpose... well, now I have one.
We have cornered our foe in the heart of the Atlas. My heart aches for Zana. Her father is caught in the centre of this whole debacle, and I don't see any way he leaves this alive.
Drox has been unusually silent all day. Al-Hezmin has been checking and rechecking his supplies. Baran and Veritania haven't even argued. We all realise these may be our last moments of life. To have spent so long pursuing wealth and notoriety... Gods, if only I could wind back the clock. Without meaning, without purpose beyond my own selfishness... So much time wasted. If I survive after tomorrow, I'm going to tell her how I feel.
They left me. In my moment of need, they left me.
I remember seeing a light swallowed in an orb of darkness. Suspended. I remember its hands reaching out for something to hold. Desperation. I remember stepping forward. I wasn't thinking of myself, or of Oriath. I was thinking of my friends, and of my brothers and sisters whose lives depended on me. I remember its cold grip tightening, then I slipped away. I remember... glass. Encased in glass. I couldn't move. Couldn't speak. But I could see everything. I saw everything. I saw everyone. Saw them leave. Saw her leave. It was all so quick. A thousand days and nights passed in a flash. Then... Nothing. I felt nothing. No sadness or anger. No joy. No pain. No pleasure. I was free. Free to move, to go where I please. Free of desire. Free to see the universe for what it was. Empty.
My friends are dead, and now you come to me. Is it bravery? Or foolishness?
Did you really think this would work?
I transcended all this long ago.
Destroying you is as easy as flicking a pest.
How boring and small.
There is nothing left for me here. For a few brief days, destroying something real may make me feel alive again.
You slew my friends. You brought ruin to my worlds. You have invaded my very sanctum. I should be furious, and yet... I feel nothing.
You want the Atlas? Take it. It's yours. But Oriath? Oriath I will burn to the ground. Perhaps the suffering of my fellow citizens will finally stir something.
Meaningless. All meaningless.
Return to nothing.
Bask in the emptiness.
Wipe clean the slate.
Cease to be.
The world unravels.
Watch 'beauty' crumble.
This city is nothing.
Your lives are meaningless.
Why run? What's the point?
Fury of the cosmos!
Rain of stars!
Be utterly annihilated!
You are nothing.
This world is doomed.
I have seen beyond.
Beyond, there is only horror.
What's this? A real challenge? You've finally caught my attention!
The others found strength in their projections. They became reliant on them. I am not so foolish.
You assumed I share the same weakness as my fellows. I do not.
A fellow exile? One more fool under Zana's sway. Allow me to destroy you before she has a chance to betray you, too. At least my way will be quick.
Feel the thrill of
You will long for
is an illusion.
You cling to life
only out of ignorance.
Is life really interesting enough to warrant all this pain?
Do you yet see the futility of your efforts?
Why do you insist on continuing to exist?
Everything ends. Everything crumbles. Everything.
On the edge of death, my heart races. I
Savour your excitement, your fear... they are the last things you will feel.
At least I felt something...
You left me there, Zana... centuries alone in the Atlas... all I wanted was to feel something again...
Impressive... but now you will fight on
I feel... something... at last...
The Atlas will fuel me. Behold. ...What?! No!
I always knew it would be you... Zana... to make me feel something... one last... time...